The truth: Yes. Chop has identical twin sisters.
The answer to what many people are getting at by asking the question – No. It is convenient and easy to just say “Yes, they do run in the family”. Until someone who really knows how it works says “Well isn’t it the female’s side of the family that twins have to run in in order for it to be hereditary?”. This is followed by an awkward silence since that is very true.
We have debated letting this be known to all for awhile. And it is the perfect time because it is National Infertility Awareness Week. Oliver and Stella were not naturally conceived twins. It isn’t something that we were afraid of people knowing because we did tell many close friends and family. It is just easier to give the short answer that they run in our family. And that's the answer that they expect to hear. The truth is something that makes some people uncomfortable. They don't know how to respond. But as time has gone on, we (or probably just me) feel the need to let it be known. Why? Because I think we can help others. The sad reality is that I already know WAY too many friends/acquaintances who have experienced infertility struggles. I did a quick count in my head and it totaled 21. Yes, 21 in my small little world. And I’m sure there are more that I am not thinking to count.
We were lucky. Blessed. And are so grateful for the two beautiful babies we have. We credit amazing doctors. We were also lucky to have a fairly easy “problem” to fix. It didn’t require IVF, but rather less invasive medications and procedures. But it doesn’t mean that we didn’t struggle and battle throughout our journey. Ours was months, for some it is years....waiting, hoping, praying for a little miracle. And we got two! Wow. It's hard not to feel guilty sometimes that we didn't go through nearly as much as some.
Each time that I do actually open my mouth and give the real answer to the question of whether twins run in the family, I seem to have someone reach out to me with their struggle. Which then allows me to offer them support, lend an ear, give acceptance and a hug. Or they tell me about the struggle of someone close to them. And it is no surprise……it is estimated that 1 in 8 couples struggle with infertility. 7.3 million people in the US. Too many. I had a very good friend going through the same thing to talk to and lean on during that time and it wouldn’t have been the same without that. I only hope I can support others in the same way she supported me.
Running was a big part of my life before O & S. Something I did everyday for fun. Nope, running was not a task or something I just did for exercise. I love it. The funny part is that I remember saying that I would give up running if I could just have a baby. Well, I sometimes wonder if that is the way it worked since my fractured ankle has kept, and is still keeping me from running since they were born. I dream of the day that I can run, pushing the stroller with them in it.
Amazing that what started as this:
Has now become this:
amazing post kendra.
ReplyDeletelove,
deborah
Great post. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story Kendra. Nick and I never planned Henry. He was one amazing and beautiful surprise. We also have friends who have struggled with fertility and I sometimes feel guilty like we shouldn't have been so lucky. Congrats to you both, those two little ones are sure special to have you. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing Kendra. Although we did not have the same struggles, we also feel our boys our miracles. O & S are also very lucky to have such wonderful parents. The days only get better as they grow and learn new things.
ReplyDeleteHope to see you soon.
Jennifer
You articulated my feelings exactly. I love that you point out you can help someone when you share the full story. In our case, twins DO run in my side of the family, but we also had medications to help get our wonderful boys after a year of no success. The few times someone has actually asked if we had infertility, I have been truthful. But it is definitely easier just to say, why yes, they do run in the family! Thank you so much for this post.
ReplyDeleteOn another note--I get your running sacrifice as well. I am fortunate to be able to continue running, but it is a completely different experience now than it was before the boys. I just completed a race this morning. As I was nearing the finish I kept thinking about how I was in pain and that my time wasn't even close to where I was 2 years ago. Then, I became emotional b/c I started thinking about how wonderfully different my life is now and I would never trade it for anything. I got choked up while running! Oh, being a mom! Anyways, thanks again!
I know this post is really late but I just wanted to say I understand what you mean about feeling a little uncomfortable sometimes sharing that you had help conceiving. A lot of people still take it for granted even though the statistics for infertility are so high (1 in 8 really!?) Any way thanks for sharing...I've been reading your journey with the twins since they were born through your facebook links and I find them so helpful now that I have a little boy! Especially your day in the life of an 8 month old....which is how I stumbled onto this post. My little boy is 8 months old now and he was conceived through IVF (first try) after 10 years of trying naturally. Anyway, thanks for sharing, you're doing an amazing job, I can't imagine having two when my one leaves me so little time in a day!
ReplyDeleteMisty :)